The Christmas season is a time of celebration, joy, and family, but for foster children, it can also bring up complex emotions and challenges. Foster children may have experienced trauma, uncertainty, and loss, making the holiday season a difficult time to navigate. As foster carers, it’s important to offer extra support, patience, and understanding during this period. With a little extra care, you can help your foster child feel safe, loved, and valued while making the most of this special time of year.

Here are some practical tips and advice to help you support your fostered child during the Christmas period, ensuring they experience the love and warmth of family, no matter their past experiences.

1. Forget the "Naughty or Nice" List

Christmas is often framed around the concept of being "good" or "bad"—and for some children, this can bring up feelings of anxiety or self-doubt, especially if they’ve experienced difficult times or have been judged for their behaviour. A key piece of advice for supporting fostered children during the holidays is to forget the "naughty or nice" list.

Help your child understand that the joy of Christmas isn’t dependent on them being “good.” Whether they’ve had a difficult time or struggled with behaviour in the past, Christmas is a time to celebrate who they are and show them that they are worthy of love and care, no matter what. Encourage them to know that gifts and love are not earned by being perfect, but are expressions of the warmth and care your family shares.

Tip: Share with your foster child how much they are loved for who they are. Remind them that Christmas is about spending time together and celebrating the special bonds you share, not about being perfect.

2. Manage Expectations and Talk About Christmas Traditions

Foster children may have experienced many different Christmas traditions, or perhaps none at all. Some may have fond memories, while others may feel uncertain or sad during the holidays due to past experiences. It’s important to talk about what Christmas means in your family and explain your family’s traditions.

Try to make traditions feel accessible and comforting, and offer your child the opportunity to create new memories in your home. Whether it’s decorating the tree together, baking cookies, or simply watching Christmas movies, find ways to connect as a family that feels safe and joyful. Be mindful of your foster child's preferences and comfort levels, allowing them to choose their level of involvement.

Tip: Let your foster child know that they can make new traditions with your family and that there’s no pressure to live up to any past expectations. Allow them to express what they enjoy or what might be too overwhelming.

3. Create a Calm, Predictable Routine

The holidays can be chaotic, with disruptions to daily routines, events, and unfamiliar faces. For foster children, this lack of routine can feel unsettling. Establishing a predictable routine can help your foster child feel secure and calm amidst the excitement and changes.

Provide structure where possible—regular meal times, quiet time, or bedtime routines. You might also want to set aside time for relaxation or activities that help your child feel grounded, such as reading a favourite book or engaging in a calming activity like drawing or puzzles.

Tip: When planning festive activities, balance them with moments of calm. Create a space for your foster child to retreat to if they become overwhelmed. Having a quiet corner or a special holiday activity to wind down can make a huge difference.

4. Be Mindful of Grief and Loss

Christmas can be a time of intense grief and loss, especially if a foster child has experienced separation from their birth family or has faced difficult transitions in their life. It’s important to acknowledge that Christmas may stir up emotions related to these experiences, even if the child doesn’t express them directly.

Be sensitive to these feelings and allow your child to process them in their own way. Let them know it’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, and that you are there to support them no matter what. If your child wants to talk about their birth family or share their memories, listen with empathy and understanding. You might also consider helping them honour or remember loved ones in ways that feel comfortable, such as lighting a candle or sharing a memory.

Tip: If your foster child is feeling particularly vulnerable, give them extra space and time to talk about their feelings. Validate their emotions and reassure them that their feelings are normal and understood.

5. Connect and Reflect: A Shared Experience

It’s not uncommon for both foster children and foster carers to feel a sense of loss or sadness when the Christmas festivities come to an end. As the holiday season wraps up and the new year begins, foster children may struggle with transitioning back into everyday routines.

One way to ease this transition is to connect with your foster child and reflect together. Let them know that it’s okay to feel a little sad or uncertain after the excitement of Christmas is over. Share your own feelings with them, and offer them a sense of solidarity by saying something like, “I can have a hard time when Christmas is over too—especially when I was a kid. Here’s what we could do together to get back into a routine we enjoy.”

By sharing your feelings and letting your child know they are not alone, you create an environment where they can open up and feel supported. Reflecting together on what they enjoyed most about the holidays can also help them feel seen and heard.

Tip: Encourage your foster child to set small, manageable goals for returning to their routine. This could include resuming a favorite hobby, playing a game they enjoy, or even getting involved in family activities that continue beyond Christmas.

6. Seek Support and Utilise Resources

Being a foster carer can feel challenging during the festive season, but you don’t have to navigate it alone. Support is available, and resources are there to help you and your foster child through this period. Websites like Beacon House offer excellent advice, tips, and resources for foster carers, including strategies to support children during the holidays.

One of their helpful pieces of advice is about managing expectations and setting realistic goals during the holidays. You can explore more of their advice and additional resources for foster carers to help make this holiday season smoother for your child and your family.

Tip: If you need extra help, reach out to your Supervising Social Worker. Don’t hesitate to ask for advice if you feel your foster child is struggling, as you are not alone in this journey.

Supporting Fostered Children Over the Christmas Period: Tips and Advice for a Joyful Holiday Season